It wasn’t until the accident that I noticed how often car crashes are used in television. You’re sitting there, enjoying a new drama or mindlessly viewing a commercial. The characters are in the middle of a calm conversation and then: bam, a vehicle crashes into the car.
It’s surprising how many times it happens and even more of a shock that it almost always is the driver’s side of the car that gets hit. Sometimes I wonder if their is a guideline of what to include in your television show if it needs some more spice. Perhaps a car accident like this is number one on the list.
Given that this is exactly how my accident occurred, it should come to no surprise to anyone else that randomly and unexpectedly during my relaxation I am sent back to the scene. My heart races, eyes shut, breathing stops, hands reach for my ears and all I can do is scream. My entire left side of my face pulses with pain as if the airbag and window had again just erupted and shattered. I reach to feel the left side of my face expecting to see the blood I once saw covering my hands that cold day in March. There’s no blood, there’s no glass stuck in my skin or hair, there’s no bump on my head, no pain in my knee…only a lingering feeling that I just time traveled to one of my most hated moments.
This is PTSD. It’s relentless. It’s jarring. It’s unequivocal. It’s terrible.
My accident was 10 months ago and I can still feel the pain rippling up my nerve in my face. I don’t need a time machine. I don’t need a space ship. I don’t need a tardis. I can travel to the worst moment with the glimpse of a scene.
I guess in some ways that may be powerful. I can travel in my mind to a place within a millisecond. Now all I need to do is harness the best moment in my life and retrain my brain to send me there.
Dr. Who says fear can be a superpower. Perhaps I can make this mine.