May Day. The day my illness started. How fitting that this date’s name is used as a distress call. Back then, I didn’t know this was just the start of…
- An illness that would strip me from the ability to speak, coordinate, walk up stairs, process, and think.
- An illness that would steal memories from me that I know now I will never get back.
- An illness that has stolen months of my life and wreaked havoc on my body.
- An illness that has left me feeling anxious and nervous about when I will use the wrong name, say a word that doesn’t make sense, forget something important, or send the same email twice.
- An illness that forces me to use a calculator to do simple math and a dictionary when I forget what a word means or how to spell it.
- An illness that has delayed my ability to start a family.
- An illness that has put stress on relationships.
- An illness that has changed how I see my body and life forever.
I didn’t know that it would also be…
- An illness that would reveal two serious, but treatable medical conditions.
- An illness that has shown me who I can rely on.
- An illness that has given me a reminder of how fragile life is.
- An illness that has revealed a new strength in me to survive.
I am a survivor of Viral Meningitis. I am a survivor of a Car Wreck.
I am working every day to improve and take care of myself.
I am impatient and want to just be back to normal.
I realize this IS my normal now.
I hope my brain can rebuild its maps, memories, and skills that it has lost.
I am scared I won’t ever be the same.
I cry out May Day, Mayday.
Note: Any grammatical errors and missing words within this post are a result of my continuing battle with my illness. I am choosing to leave them even if I find them later on another read through after publishing. I revise and edit multiple times, but sometimes I miss things still. I’d like to leave them as a way of accepting where I am in my recovery.