May Day, Mayday!

May Day. The day my illness started. How fitting that this date’s name is used as a distress call. Back then, I didn’t know this was just the start of…

  • An illness that would strip me from the ability to speak, coordinate, walk up stairs,  process, and think.
  • An illness that would steal memories from me that I know now I will never get back.
  • An illness that has stolen months of my life and wreaked havoc on my body.
  • An illness that has left me feeling anxious and nervous about when I will use the wrong name, say a word that doesn’t make sense, forget something important, or send the same email twice.
  • An illness that forces me to use a calculator to do simple math and a dictionary when I forget what a word means or how to spell it.
  • An illness that has delayed my ability to start a family.
  • An illness that has put stress on relationships.
  • An illness that has changed how I see my body and life forever.

I didn’t know that it would also be…

  • An illness that would reveal two serious, but treatable medical conditions.
  • An illness that has shown me who I can rely on.
  • An illness that has given me a reminder of how fragile life is.
  • An illness that has revealed a new strength in me to survive.

I am a survivor of Viral Meningitis.  I am a survivor of a Car Wreck.

I am working every day to improve and take care of myself.

I am impatient and want to just be back to normal.

I realize this IS my normal now.

I hope my brain can rebuild its maps, memories, and skills that it has lost.

I am scared I won’t ever be the same.

I cry out May Day, Mayday.

 

Note: Any grammatical errors and missing words within this post are a result of my continuing battle with my illness. I am choosing to leave them even if I find them later on another read through after publishing. I revise and edit multiple times, but  sometimes I miss things still. I’d like to leave them as a way of accepting where I am in my recovery.

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